老司机视频

Finding new ways to stay connected when changes in life pull friends apart.

I was with my friend and her toddler at a cupcake shop. It had been ages since we caught up, but each time we tried to talk, her attention was diverted and our conversation cut off.

鈥淣o, come here,鈥� she called as her kid waddled behind the cash register.

Or, 鈥淒on鈥檛 put that in your mouth,鈥� she said when he dropped his sippy cup.

Finally to me: 鈥淕otta go.鈥� She pointed to her son who was racing out the door onto a busy sidewalk.

鈥淢mgdbye,鈥� I said with a mouthful of vanilla-vanilla, but she was gone. I sat alone in a state of sugar shock. Crumbs covered the table and a puddle of water dribbled over the edge and onto the floor. Wrinkled napkins and frosting-covered forks were scattered about, and I felt something lumpy stuck to the bottom of my left shoe (smashed Cheerios). That鈥檚 when it dawned on me that, one by one, I was losing my girlfriends to babies.

I was 35, married but childless, though not for lack of trying. While I understood parenthood shifted priorities and consumed tons of time and energy, I assumed our friendships would rekindle as the babies grew older. By that time, my friends were popping out a second (sometimes third), and the cupcake fiasco repeated.

I cherish my companions and adore their babies, but I began to wonder: were we doomed to drift apart? My mom-friends also missed hanging out, but no matter the meeting place, adult conversation took a backseat. Shopping? A fun daytime activity, but my friend Stacey summed it up well: she鈥檒l no longer shop with friends because she鈥檚 too busy managing her kids鈥� temper tantrums. Dinner? Babysitters are expensive, and my mom-friends go to bed early.

One day I read a book about a woman trying to lose weight so she invites her friends to exercise. It gave me a brilliant idea. I tried my plan on Angela first. We鈥檇 gotten together for lunch twice since her baby Michael was born, but his fussing drowned out our conversation. This time, we met at a walking trail near our homes. While the motion of the jog stroller lulled Michael to sleep, Angela and I had a long chat. Days later, Kristin and I talked religion as she pushed her daughter in a stroller while her older kids rode scooters. We bonded and burned calories.

Walking isn鈥檛 always ideal鈥攐ne friend of mine has a toddler who won鈥檛 tolerate a stroller鈥攂ut for the most part, it鈥檚 a clever solution. Sometimes the discussion veers to areas that highlight the diverging paths in our lives. I can鈥檛 contribute much on breastfeeding in the same way a stay-at-home-mom friend might not relate to my career dilemmas. But offering a listening ear鈥攅ven on alien topics鈥攊s an important part of friendship. In fact, those moments that widen our horizons can be the most enriching.

Jenny Rough (JD 鈥�99) is a freelance writer based in Alexandria, Virginia. When in Los Angeles, she likes to visit her alma mater and walk the Malibu campus loop.